For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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