He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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