Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
