I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
