having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
