We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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