You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
