I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
