Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
