This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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