why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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