I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
