Betty ford says i'm here all night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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