Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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