Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
