So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
