Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
