brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
