you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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