Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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