Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
