okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
