she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
