also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
