I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i came on her dog
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
