i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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