i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You were trust falling into bushes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
