planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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