but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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