John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
