What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
