Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
