You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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