I think im going to throw up on grandma
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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