Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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