I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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