you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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