What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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