i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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