Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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