I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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