Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
