I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
