watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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