Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We left an ass print on the piano.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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