just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
