every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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