u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
