who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
