mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Acid is not a monday night drug
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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