i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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