I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
