Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
