The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
