she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
