Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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