So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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