So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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