I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
