broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Two words: blizzard sex
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
